An Open Letter To Those Who Have Walked Away From The Church

 

Dear Reader,

If you are reading this letter, you may have walked away from the church at some point. I understand, because I have been there, too. I once left the church, and later came back. Today, I am glad that I gave the church a second chance. If you have walked away from the church, I want to meet you where you are at in this letter. At least, I want to do this for as many of you as possible. The reasons why people have left the church are varied, and it is not possible for me to talk about everything in a single letter. It is my hope that the conversation that I am trying to start does not end at this letter. It is my hope and prayer that this little letter simply serves as a beginning to a bigger, and longer, conversation.

Some of you grew up in the church and walked away when you reached adulthood. Some of you came to church as an adult, but left after a short time. Some of you may have attended church once and never looked back. No matter what your situation is, I want you to know that I care and I understand where many of you are coming from. I do not look down on you. I am here to meet you eye to eye for a conversation about your departure from the church.

Personal Reasons

Some of you have left the church because you feel like you don't belong. Some of you feel like an outsider when you are at church. I understand the feeling. I began sincerely attending church around age 13 or 14. As a teenager, I made friends with several people who felt like they didn't belong in the church. These were the teens who often came from rough backgrounds, whose families often were not involved in the church. Many of them were not treated as well as the "in" crowd, although there were people in the church who sincerely tried to treat them well. My mom and I were among those who tried to treat them well. Eventually, I became one of the "outsiders". I found that I didn't belong. After an issue within the church where I saw a friend of mine mistreated, I contemplated whether to stay or leave. One day, after I finished teaching elementary-aged Sunday School students, I walked out and told the pastor's wife that I was leaving and not coming back. I have not been back to that church for an official service since.

I stayed out of the church for around a year and a half. In fact, I was done with the church. I wanted nothing to do with it. Although several people tried to get me to come back to the church I had left, I never did. I wasn't going to support a church that treated the people who had the greatest need with this little care.

Through a series of events that I do not have time to explain in detail here, I was invited to a home-based Christian small group that a few of my high school friends were attending. I went, hesitantly at first, but more enthusiastically as time went on. Eventually, I was invited to attend a different church in town. I had never been to a Nazarene church before, but I went. The culture that I found at Landmark Church of the Nazarene in Phenix City, Alabama was entirely different from the church where I had seen so many of my friends hurt. I was cared for. It seemed that I had finally stumbled on a church where there were no "outsiders" or "insiders." There were just Christians who loved Jesus.

Many of you are in the same boat as I was when I left the church. Some of you may have left because you feel like you didn't belong. Some of you may have left because you have been hurt by the church, as I and many of my friends were. I want to say something, though: Not all churches are like that. Some are. Many aren't. No two churches are exactly the same.

The decision to give Landmark Church a chance was one of the greatest decisions that I have ever made. The people at Landmark Church helped me heal from the hurt I experienced before. They legitimately cared about me, and I legitimately cared about them. This kind of Christian community cannot be adequately replaced by anything else in the world. Eventually, I brought friends to Landmark Nazarene, and they were always embraced and loved.

My entire experience taught me that the solution to church hurt is not to abandon the church, but to find a good church. Plenty of good churches exist, and it is just a matter of discovering the good churches. In fact, I may not have been able to get over my bad experience with the church without finding a church where my experience was good. If you have left the church because you felt left out or were legitimately hurt by people inside the church, I understand where you are at. I also want to see that wound heal. To that end, I encourage you to find a good church that will help you heal.

Cultural Shifts And Gradual Drifts

Some of you may have left the church due to cultural shifts or a gradual drift from the church. I understand this, as well. Some of you think that the church was a positive force in the past, but not in the present. Some of you may question whether the church was ever the positive force it was supposed to be. I understand these positions, and I understand the hurt that happens when a church gets "stuck in the past" instead of focusing on the present. I became a pastor in 2022, and I have experienced more hurt from the church in this area since then than I ever did before I became a pastor.

The truth is that there are some churches that get so stuck in the past that they aren't effective at caring for people in the present. I have seen them. The good news is what I stated near the beginning of this letter: Not all churches are the same. I have seen churches that have failed to love people through cultural shifts, and I have also seen churches that have done an excellent job at loving people through cultural shifts. Those that have done an excellent job have been a very positive force. Don't give up on all churches because of a bad experience at one or two churches.

Along the same lines, some of you may have drifted gradually from the church. Perhaps you got busy with work, family, and life. I understand that life is busy. We make time for the things that are important to us. If we want to be in good health physically, we make time to go to regular checkups with our doctor. We should not think that our spiritual health is any less important than our physical health. Our soul is ultimately one of the most important things about us.

Perhaps your work schedule won't permit you to go to church on Sundays. Don't neglect your soul. Many churches have midweek services or small groups that meet throughout the week. Several have Saturday services. The opportunity to have your soul cared for is there, and the vast majority of these groups will be happy to have you.

Intellectual Doubts

Some of you may not be part of a church because you have legitimate intellectual questions. I understand these, as well. When I walked away from the church around 2012, it was because my faith was shaken. Why were some of the people at church, who were supposed to show the love of Christ to my friends, the source of so much of their pain? If Jesus changes lives, why haven't their lives been changed? Do they actually represent Jesus? If Jesus isn't able to change lives, is he worth following? I asked deep questions about God's existence and the identity of Jesus. Ultimately, I left the Christian faith for the greater part of the year and a half I was away from the church.

What I ultimately discovered is that my crisis of faith wasn't because Jesus had failed, but because people had failed. The people who caused my friends so much hurt were people who did not represent Jesus well. As time went on, I came to the same realization that C.S. Lewis came to,

"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such a violent reaction against it?... Of course I could have given up my idea of justice by saying it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if i did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my fancies. Thus, in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist - in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless - I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality - namely my idea of justice - was full of sense. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never have known it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."

I came to realize that I could only fault people for failing to treat my friends well if there were a "straight line" to compare their actions to. The chaos itself pointed to God.

Over the years since, I have found that good churches that genuinely love people as Christ loves them. I have found that there are churches that do not run away from legitimate questions asked by those who are sincere about exploring the Christian faith. Bad churches exist, yes, but not every church is bad. In fact, I would say that bad churches are in the minority. Bad churches get a lot of the attention, but good churches tend to go under most people's radar. If you have legitimate questions about the Christian faith, there are people in almost any church who would love to talk to you about them.

Final Pleas

Ultimately, my plea with this letter is this: Don't give up on good churches simply because bad churches exist. We don't give up on good doctors because bad doctors exist. We don't give up on good cooks just because a bad cook once burnt our food. We simply find the good doctors and good cooks.

I also urge you to continue the conversation. I don't want this letter to be the end. Reach out to us. I would love to hear your story and tell you more about mine. There was quite a bit that I was not able to include in this short letter. I also want to hear your story and your experience in the church. If you are looking for a good church, let us help you find one. Simply reach out to us using the "Contact Us" button on the left-side navigation bar.

Finally, I want you to know that I am praying for you. I may not know your name, but I care about you. I pray that God will be with you, bless you, and lead you to himself. Until we meet again, I pray the best for you.

With prayer for the road ahead,

Travis